Insufferable Humor
by LynnSonz
Summary: Lilly and James are Head boy and Girl, They share A Common room, a bathroom and a love-hate relationship.Snape and Lilly are still best friends at this point and Lilly is hopelessly trying to convince him to ditch Avery. Mucho Marauders Mischief. J&L. : D
1. Prelude

A Note from Me: With all do respect to J.K and the brilliance that is this franchise, I own nothing but my thoughts, which pale in comparison.

To My fans: I love you all, and wish you the best of summers, Who's excited for the movie on Friday!? : D

Lynn

Prelude

'What about Hogsmead tomorrow?" A young Severus Snape, aged seventeen raised his eyes so that he could see through his unwashed hair to the face of Lilly Evans. She looked up and squinted her green eyes at the sun.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, I don't know Sev, I have a lot of homework." His face fell.

"Oh well, maybe if you finish."

"Maybe." She looked away toward the cobblestone path on which she was walking. She looked lost, deep in penetrating thoughts.

"Lilly, is there something the matter?" Severus was distraught over her recent cancellation of another set of plans and of their unusually one sided conversations.

"Sev…It's just I ran into James the other day.." The moment she relayed his name off her lips, Severus's blood boiled with envy, and hatred.

"Potter…" He stated dully.

"Yes, well I walked in on him and Avery outside the grand hall, having a row you know, an unusually loud one.." It was as if she was concealing her embarrassment of having overheard their conversation. "And he said something that really bugged me." Severus snorted.

"When does Potter say something that doesn't bug you?" Lilly winced.

"No, Avery said something that really bugged me. He said that after he had finished Hogwarts he was going to become a Death Eater and so was the entire Slytherine house, and then James would be sorry….and it isn't like I believe you could ever do anything like that Sev, it's just well, Avery is really creepy you know? I cant even understand why you waste your time with him, but he sounded so sure…and I…" She paused, feeling inappropriate in her accusation. Severus coughed loudly, avoiding his answer, how could he lie to her, to this woman, this beautiful, good, pure woman to whom he loved, how could he tell her that by not doing what she so very despised he'd be disowned by his mother, his only family.

"Lilly, don't be so foolish to believe something you heard in passing, Potter probably was provoking him, or hexing him, he probably knew you were there, listening he was attempting to impress you, you know I'm not dangerous Lilly." She wiped a tear of worry from her eyes and her cheeks blushed deep crimson.

"You're right, I was being silly. But Sev I really still hate that you hang out with them" She brushed her Auburn hair from her face and regained her composure.

"Well there's nothing I can do about you sharing the Head House with Potter is there? I suppose we've reached a compromise." She laughed weakly.

"I don't have a choice, and besides you know full on I utterly cannot stand Potter. You have nothing to worry about." She gave him a quick hug and skipped on to her next class. Severus stood in the shade of a tree and pondered whether or not she was telling the truth. His honest, kind Lilly, the one he'd confided in since he was seven years old. He shrugged and realized that he was the only one being dishonest and that Potter had about as much as a chance with Lilly as he did, and even though he hated one half of those odds, he'd take them.


	2. Common Rooms

Common Rooms

"Oh come off the homework Evans and join our dear Potter here for a snog why don't you?" Lilly scowled severely at Sirius Black, who lounged quite comfortably in an armchair across the room.

"Why don't you get out of my room before I disembody your lazy arse?" Sirius looked smug and amused.

"Oh very touchy tonight are we Evans?" Lilly slammed her potions book shut and turned fiercely to James who was coming out a peculiarly long shower.

"James! I told you I was going to report it the next time you allowed any of your ghastly friends into our common room and I meant it! Prefect head common rooms are for the Head boy and girl only and not their assorted socially unaccepted company." James smirked.

"Oh how my heart flies when you say _our _common room. Truly darling I simply want to take you right here." Sirius chuckled but Lilly turned a shade of red that Potter had never dreamt, in all of his mischievous Evans rattling glory could be possible.

"You disgust me Potter."

"Got to do better than that Evans, Mary Tremble used that exact line on him last week!" Sirius roared with laughter, winked and strode over to where Peter Pettigrew had been peacefully napping by the fire.

"Get up Wormy old chap seems as though Prongs would enjoy some time to pollinate his flower." Peter opened his eyes and yawned sleepily.

"Padfoot. Although that suggestion is indeed quite thoughtful, the least we can do is show my ravishing roommate a tad bit of respect, wouldn't you agree Wormtail?" Peter Pettigrew scanned the room nervously before nodding.

"Oh as you wish my liege." Sirius bowed to James and lead Peter from the room. Lilly, left alone to contend with the infamous James Potter sighed deeply.

"I'm going to bed." She stated curtly as she stood up.

"Oh Lilly don't be so dramatic stay for a bit."

"Dramatic? I think I've been insulted enough for one night." She gathered her books.

"I've hardly insulted you love, in fact, I recall many a compliment thrown your way tonight." He smirked, something Lilly found insufferable, but many girls in her year would swoon for.

"Potter I am not thick enough to perceive your two sided compliments at face value. I'm well aware that you're making fun of me."

"And if I'm not?" He grinned.

"Well then you're too thick to perceive my reactions to your advances as anything other than what they are- disgust." She hurried to her room but stopped short of the door. She paused. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight Lilly." And she left him alone in the common room with his hands deep in his pockets, smirking that insufferable smirk.


	3. Potions

Potions

"Lilly, Lilly wait up!" Remus Lupin trailed the redhead as she made her way to her potions class. She paused and cocked her head slightly, waiting. "Lilly where'd you learn to walk like that, it's like you're at the Track Wizards Tournament, I'm nearly in need of a firewhiskey just to be well enough for Ancient Runes." Remus smiled politely but Lilly rolled her eyes.

"Well Remus I imagined you had enough of that last Saturday evening. It took me all morning to clean up the common room. To be honest the only reason I haven't reported any of you yet is because I simply enjoy watching Potter make a fool of himself." She half smiled at the thought of his drunk Slughorn impression.

"Right well, I was coming to ask your permission for something." Lupin hesitated.

"Go on." Lilly prompted, she had one eye on her watch, and she was going to be late.

"I'd like to study with James tonight, he needed my help with his Divination project and the Gryffindor common room is much to distraction on a Friday evening and the library will be closed early due to someone setting off a cheering cherry bomb earlier. Now I know you don't like us in the common room so I'm asking in advance." Remus was always more polite than the other three Marauders.

"Well I suppose I'll manage, besides as long as Sirius doesn't join you shouldn't get too uncontrollable."

"Sirius? Study on a Friday evening. That'll be the day." Remus chortled and continued on his way. It was a rare event that James Potter graced Lilly with his presence of Friday evenings. So she took the remainder of her walk to Potions to ponder the possibility of what her usual bath and book Friday night would be like with Potter's presence before the unholy hour of three am.

***

Potions was going by unbearably slow for a Friday, Lilly was sitting beside Snape who was absentmindedly doodling in his potions book.

"What are you writing anyway?" Lilly asked as she leaned over him, her breast brushed his shoulder and he jumped. "Hey are you alright Sev? I'm sorry I was being nosey, very impolite of me." She gave him a sad look, one that he knew to mean she believed him to be writing dark secrets, the type that Avery had possibly put him up to. However Snape was no fool, he merely scribed out his thoughts on the margins. Snape often reserved Friday nights for meetings in the Slytherine common room that Avery referred to as FDEFs, Future Death Eater's Fridays, but he felt a pang of regret and loss of relationship of his now cold best friend.

"Did you want to maybe hang out tonight Lilly?" Severus couldn't even believe his own tongue has created that sentence. Lilly shrugged.

"I thought you had some thing with Avery tonight." She slumped a little in her chair.

"Well easily cancelled. I've been your best friend longer, it could just be me and you Lilly, like old times, we could I don't know, whatever you want." He was fishing and he knew he sounded desperate but Lilly was his friend and above all else he knew she wasn't taking his request as one of courtship, maybe he didn't sound all that desperate to her.

"Sev, Friday nights are my alone time, I'm sorry, maybe tomorrow night if that's okay." In her head Lilly knew she wasn't blowing off her friend for a bath, she wanted to be around James on a night when homework wouldn't be what was consuming her, as much as she hated him, she couldn't help but to day dream in her head. He smelled very good…

"Well alright Lilly, but if you need company you know where to find me , I promise the Slytherine wont bug you for coming to get me, honestly they know how much you mean to me." Lilly smiled.

"Oh Sev I know." And the bell rang.

***

"Hey there love, I heard what you told Moony earlier and look Lilly, I know how much you like your alone time on Friday nights, I honestly get that and if I didn't have this hippogriff sized project I swear I'd be out of your way. But since you were such a gem tonight, no hard feelings. We'll be good." James was waiting for her when she got back to the common room. Setting her book down on the sofa, she was surprised to see the honesty in his face, and her cheeks turned red.

"Oh…it wasn't, I actually quite like Remus he's the only decent one." She smiled before remembering she was supposed to hate him. "But I do like my alone time and I would like to take my bath undisturbed do you understand me Potter?" Her tone was harsher than she had expected it to be.

"Of course Darling, I wouldn't dare disturb you while you bathe, that's very ungentlemanly like and us marauders are nothing but the gentlemanliest of gentlemen. " He winked and walked in to his dorm leaving her still pink in the face and furious that she had let her guard down.


	4. Shake Down

Shake Down

"After what was a most devastating loss to Slytherine Today, Can Gryffindor redeem themselves next week in the match against Ravenclaw and still manage to advance to the Hogwarts Quidditch Cup Finals? Or will this blow mean a Ravenclaw Vs. Slytherine square off in the weeks to come?…" Lilly ignored the announcer and marched forward, the loss had been devastating and it had been Oliver Davies fault, as the terrible new seeker sought desperately to replace Thomas Kreen, Gryffindor's previous, and very well skilled, seeker who was out on an injury sustained in the previous match the Gryffindor team was struggling with the very real possibility of not making it to the Cup this year, and although Lilly, who rarely paid very much attention to the cocky Quidditch players was a bit off put, James returned to the common room that night seething.

"Bloody Davies, doesn't know what the hell he's doing, completely thick, shouldn't even have made second string if you ask me, most ridiculous player, disgrace to the game, has no idea the importance of…" He threw his broom onto the sofa. " Quite frankly I ought to have a serious word with him if he thinks he's staying on the team, he's got another thing coming, honestly…" Lilly, who had been pretending to zone out James's serious pouting, finally turned to acknowledge him.

"It wasn't that bad of a loss James really. You know you can take Ravenclaw next week without a problem. So don't be such a git about it, Davies is only a third year; he's just getting the hang of things. Cut him some slack." James rolled his eyes.

"When I was a third year, I could at least contribute something to the team besides a laugh from the competition." Lilly was a bit fed up now.

"Oh for Merlin's sake will you please shut it! You sound like a whining four year old, shall I call your Mummy for you Jamesy or would you rather just _I_ set you down for a nap?" James shut up immediately and stood in awe of Lilly's outburst. It wasn't as if she was trying to be mean to him, although she was outwardly making an attempt to return to her full on hatred of him which recently she had misplaced, she just held in great contempt James's annoying arrogance.

"Oh well excuse me miss. Best at everything, no fun, blah blah blah! Didn't mean to disturb what? Your nine hundredth hour of studying? You call me the arrogant one! Why don't you for once get of your high broomstick and allow someone into your life besides Snivelly, maybe someone who you know actually washes his hair!?" He stormed off to his room; anger, embarrassment, and jealousy emitting from him. Lilly sighed and went back to the book she was reading. She fumed with disgust, and regret, she had known he was angry and she had pushed his buttons. The part of her who was so used to seeing James smiling around her was torn, but the part that irrevocably sought pleasure in his punishment was overjoyed, and the Lilly that the two halves created was confused, sleepy, and a bit hungry.

After attempting in futile to get some sleep Lilly tossed in her very lonely headgirl dorm. She pondered reading some more, that was a negative, she pondered studying some more, also a negative, and then the rumble of her very empty stomach reminded her that she had yet a third option. Very quietly she tiptoed from her dorm, and out into the common room, looking both ways she then preceded through the halls and attempted to make her way to the kitchen. She was nervous she'd get caught, she was ashamed at what she was attempting and she was still incredibly empty feeling. Preoccupied with remaining stealthy Lilly ran smack into something hard, hard and apparently invisible.

"UGH!" An angry smack and sound emitted from the air and Lilly back up, scared stiff. Frozen on the spot. "Your head is incredibly hard Evans, might've thought I ran into the trunk of the whomping willow, jeez." The figure slowly unmasked itself and to her relief and disappointment there in Quidditch pajama pants and a very snug gray T-shirt stood James Potter. Acting on her first impulse she plummeted her fists upon his head, to which he began to make too much of a fuss so she settled for a very intense glare.

"I could report you." She said it very sternly like a mother would to a son who was testing her on a bad day. James rolled his eyes.

"So do it." He continued to walk, this time uncovered, clinging to his cloak with the hand absent of his wand. Lilly stomped her foot and followed begrudgingly.

"What are you even doing out of bed right now Potter? Aren't you supposed to be a Prefect? Head boy actually. Shouldn't you be setting an example?" He scowled at her, a face she'd never seen him make, he was still mad at her from earlier.  
"I'm patrolling, as is my job as head boy as you so rudely stated, now unless you want _me_ to report _you_, shouldn't you get back to bed?" She crinkled her nose.

"I'm patrolling too. What else would I being doing out so late?" She added coolly, keeping up with his fast pace. He snorted.

"Right, Lilly, you and I both know there will be no Gryffindors out of bed tonight. Because you yourself set the alarming charms to prevent that from happening, and I quote "_" It's a very responsible use of magic, we'll have a lot more time to focus on our studies, and real threats." "_ Lilly turned bright red.

"So then you lied to me!" she accused regaining composure. "You weren't out here patrolling!" Again he rolled his hazel eyes.

"Lilly did you honestly believe I was in the first place? I've been showing the first years how to disarm your charms for a laugh anyway, I'm surprised there aren't any out tonight." She looked both offended and desperate for another alibi. He turned on her. " So why don't you tell me what it really was you were sneaking around the halls at half past two for? Hm?" He was dangerously close to her face, and her anger quickly turned into something new, just as burning, just as prone to lead to spontaneous outbursts of passion, but all the same, something new.

"I was uh…I was well…looking for you! That's it, I was looking for you, because I heard you leave and I wanted to find you and tell you to come back to the common room before you're really in trouble. When Filtch finds you and then you're on probation from your Prefect duties and O'malley has to take over for you and then where are you? In detention writing, I will not sneak out using my invisible blanket five thousand times…" She was ranting, nearly inaudibly and not presenting a very sound case.

"Oh please Evans, spare me. You were hungry and you thought you could go down to the kitchen to charm a houseelf into cooking you a niceeee sandwich didn't you Evans? Thought you could use some of that bottled up charm you so lovingly used on me earlier to your benefit." Again he scoffed at her. Now she flared with rage.

"How dare you!" She began.

"How dare I? How dare you Lilly? I've been trying incredibly hard to please you lately and you know maybe I'm threw with it, because you seem hopeless. I've tried, really I have." He turned on his heel and with great agility recovered himself with his cloak and Lilly lost sight of him. Suddenly she no longer felt hungry.


End file.
